The world’s most worthless criminal

I was on vacation for four weeks (yes, I know, vacation allowance in small European countries makes Americans grind their teeth, but what can I do). When I came back, I found that my car was broken into. Now how stupid can you be? Yes, the car was parked at the same spot for weeks. But if you’d stop and think for a second, you’d surely figure out that a 12 year old Renault Twingo, of a vivid purple colour, probably has zero valuables inside. But car burglars are stupid – otherwise they’d have a proper job. The loot was pretty meager – a 7 year old car navigation system. If I’d run a pawn shop, specializing in stolen goods and someone would bring me that thing, I’d spit in his eyes. Oh well, I guess that once they spent the effort they had to take something. At least they didn’t bother to take the radio.

The analogue navigation systems they didn't take.

The analogue navigation systems they didn’t take.

The burglary left the car with a broken lock and an empty battery – they turned on the light to see what they were doing and didn’t bother to turn it off as they left. I called the ANWB, the Dutch motorist club providing emergency services, got the car started, called the insurance and drove to a garage to repair the lock. Then the real extent of the damage was revealed. Because the battery died I had to reprogram all the radio stations. How annoying is that? So if you’re reading this and you have plans to break into my car – please, turn the light off as you leave.

The funniest part I left for last. I haven’t reported the incident to the police immediately, as I had to get an estimate on the damage from the garage first (you need to fill that in). Ordering a new lock took a while (its been 3 weeks and still no lock). But in the meantime, the police actually called me. It seems they’ve “found” a navigation system in the possession of a person they’ve apprehended, and through the addresses stored in its memory tracked me down! Now that’s what I call police efficiency – I haven’t even reported the crime and they have already solved it! And really, how stupid can you be – you’ve burgled a worthless car, stole a worthless object and didn’t even bother to erase tracks leading to the previous owner? By now I want to meet that guy and give him an award for being the world’s most worthless criminal. If only all of them would be like that.




Filed under Small European things

2 responses to “The world’s most worthless criminal

  1. Aba eben

    Cool. Can you meet him in prison?

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